Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Coke sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Coke & Pepsi. There is no in between. Its like Chevy & Ford, Tennessee & Alabama, Celtics & Lakers..........there is no in between.......its one or the other. I grew up a Coke man.....we didnt drink Pepsi products in our house growin' up. So I'm sad to say that I'm no longer with Coke. I'm also glad to say Coke (Corporate) SUCKS ASS! You wanna' talk about being treated like shit? This really hurts me......I'm not kidding.....but I had to do it. I was the biggest Coke fan anti-Pepsi person you ever met. It hurts me now to even think of not serving Coke, but I've had enough! Coke has a true monopoly in the soft drink market. They have so much of the market that they truly dont give a rats ass whether or not you want to do business with them or not, let alone being happy. Those bastards have been prison raping me to the tune of $80.00 per 5 gallon box of syrup ($290.00 per week average) for over a year. To top it off the C-suckers charge me an additional $13.00 per delivery for surcharges and delivery fees. Pepsi offered me $50.00 per box and no fees. Even with those numbers it still took me a night to think about it! Thats a savings of around $6,000.00 per year.
Oh and I dont have the room here to discuss my wonderful sales rep, Terry.....who is NOT on commision I might add. If Terry were on commision, his balding, mullet wearing, Hitler-esque mustache ass would look like a combo crack/meth addict because he'd be starving and homeless! He is THE most worthless "salesmen" on the face of this planet! There are COKE people who read this, maybe even Terry himself. Terry, we here at Martin's Bar-B-Que hope you are reading this. Please follow our directions closely:

1) Print this diatribe
2) Crumple it in your hands
3) Go take a dump
4) Wipe your ass with said crumpled diatribe as hard as you can, several times over.
5) Smear Turpentine on your butt-lips

Now........its said.........I'm not angry anymore and looking forward to my new relationship with Pepsi-Cola.

6 comments:

Will in Vancouver, WA said...

Pat, I've been reading your blog for a long time now and this is by far the best one you've written. Congrats on telling "Turpentine Terry" off. A long time ago, I had to deal with a Coke rep, and he too was a mouth-breathing neandrathal. Keep up the good work.

Denny Crane said...

I've heard for years that Coca Cola reps were difficult to deal with.

BTW, love the blog. I LMAO each time I read a new post.

Roll Tide.

Anonymous said...

Pepsi is my pusher! Diet(cause I'm a Fat ass) Mountain Dew is the nector of the gods.
Cuck Foke!

Anonymous said...

Oh patrick, I love your rant. I became very familiar with Coke's terrible customer service for the small business owner when I tried to get Mill Creek Foods off the ground with unfortunate luck. Your blog gave me the best laugh I've had since having to close the cafe. Keep it going honey. You've got a great place. Continued Luck!
Kim

Anonymous said...

Just so I'm clear on this: You're not going to have coke in the joint anymore? Please inform because your post was a little vague.-Max

Anonymous said...

Coke sucks anyway. Used to do business with them and even the delivery guys are a-holes and walk around with a holier than thou attitude. I also worked with a convenience store chain for a while. We finally agreed to carry Coke, and they lied about our cut in the sales, and tried to sue us when their display "wasn't in a highly visible area." F coke in the A. Pepsi has been nothing but kind, generous and pleasant to do business with, and will bend over backwards to make you happy.

What is this Blog???

You ever been sitting around cooking for your family and friends and been told the following: "Hoss, this is the best I've ever had in my dadgum life.....you have got to open up a place of your own". The thought crosses your mind to do just that, but for whatever reason you dont. Well I'm "that" guy that actually went through with it and did it. I had absolutely ZERO restaurant experience! I decided to start this blog about my own experience hoping that it may be of some use and help to others who might be interested in opening their own place.
I learned this craft almost 20 years ago cooking whole hogs on brick & cinder block pits at a couple of little BBQ Joints in Henderson, TN. I learned from old, lifelong career Pit-Masters, working with them as an apprentice during school off and on for four years. Over the course of that time I learned the old, time-honored craft of REAL pit barbecue. At Martin's Bar-B-Que Joint I am trying as hard as I can everyday to bring that time-honored authenticity to my customers.
As you read you'll see I've made some stupid decisions, and I've made some good decisions. If you are thinking of opening a restaurant, especially a BBQ Joint, read this blog! Maybe some of this info can be of use to you. At the very least you will be entertained because I pull no punches.
Now listen, this is my blog to not only help with information but my blog to freely rant about my day to day experiences. There is no real "bad language" on this blog but there might be some things said that are very "tongue in cheek". If you are easily offended and/or cant see the satire in my posts then please just leave the blog. It will save both of us the annoyance of each other. For those of you who do like satire and are looking for good information about this experience, then by all means enjoy!