Wednesday, December 06, 2006

There should be a new law......

I must say that the people and customers are still great! So far 99.9% of everyone that comes in is super nice. I'm really falling in love with the town and people of Nolensville! I love interacting with everyone. That being said I think we should have a law in this country that everyone is required to spend at least one year in the military and one year working as a server in a restaurant. Folks, you want to talk about helping our society. In 50 years you could literally map the social alchemy! The newfound respect and patience we would all have for one another would be unreal! Hell, we could be talking about world peace here! Most people are so nice and appreciative but there are some idiots out there. Very few have come in but there is one person that's killing me! I've got one woman, probably in her mid to late 30's with thighs like Mike Singletary, that tells me every time she's in (which is about once a week) that her "crock-pot bbq is still better than mine and everyone else around for that matter". After that she proceeds to tell me that pretty soon she’s going to open up shop, but for me not to worry because she's going to open in Nashville.........-oh, thanks hun, I appreciate that! Now, it’s not the statement that is annoying, everyone thinks they have a better this or that, and I actually really appreciate that. Heck if none of us thought that there would be no restaurants around would there? Its the telling me the same thing once a week that is equivalent to a twisting fork in my eyeball.........."yeah lady, I heard you the first time". And let me tell you this, you think she's afraid to tell me this while she is simultaneously filling her head cave full of vanilla Moon-Pie?????? -NONE….NO FEAR! Anyway I smile, tell her I'll need to try it sometime, please come back (by the way, did you notice above how often she comes in?), all that stuff. Its times like this where I wish I truly didn’t care…I could just respond in the manner I saw fit. Here’s what it would look like:

Singletary: “Well like I told ya last week, my bbq is STILL better than yours, and all them other places too! There’s comin’ a time…..I’m telling you….when I’m gonna open up my own place. Course’ you aint gonna have to worry cause I’m lookin’ to open up in Nashville!

Me: “Wow, your right. You really should open up a crock-pot bbq place! Look, right over there across the street. That's a 1st Tennessee bank. When you get done cramming that Moon Pie down your fat head hole why don't you waddle you’re big ass over there so they can help you open up shop? Ya’ know I’ve got a better idea. Find a little town in France with street lamps. Maybe you could drain your back fat and sell it for lamp oil and then you could just pay for it outright? What do ya’ think?


your loving wife said...

I'll have you know, my dear, that there is a chance I will lose my job after how hard and loud I have laughed at the whole Moon Pie lady scenerio. You are one funny human being...let's just hope she doesn't read your blog.

Anonymous said...

I USED to know a guy named Pat who would have said that and not given it a second thought except for all the times he got to tell the story proudly.
I guess fatherhood or age has mellowed you a little!
Hang in there, maybe she will open up that restaurant soon and not have any extra time to come visit!!

Anonymous said...

Well sir, it sounds like you truly have yourself a stalker. Sounds like you can outrun her even paralyzed, but a stalker nonetheless. I wouldn't worry too much. Sounds like she's eating any profits she was hoping to get by opening a store. I hear they have crock pot cook offs ALL THE TIME, a minute...I've actually NEVER heard of a crock pot BBQ cook-off. Seen commercials for Kingsford charcoal and open pit Q's, but guess ESPN hasn't quite grasped the crock pot cook off fever. It's just not as exciting as her professional sport she's involved in called "pack your ass into spandex shorts to give kids a clue what the moon looks like up close". That's MUCH MORE INTERESTING! Take it easy brother! Be sure NOT to ever call or write so I know where to send the license plate YOU asked for because I'd hate for you to lose your reputation of leaving me hanging for months on end. Hell, John McCall calls me more than you do and that's saying something.hahaha! Love you!


Anonymous said...


I just heard you are in the Nashville area. I've been talking to Russ W. online and he turned me on to your blogspot. I want to come out there soon and check your place out. Shoot me an e-mail at and tell me where you are exactly.

BTW, I forwarded Barry England your beer list and he suggested that you add in O'Douls and delete the rest. Just think. You'll be speaking in chapel soon and they'll be hounding you for donations!


Anonymous said...

Now thats some funny S*%T there !!!

Take it as a compliment...AND keep taking her money for your superior product she keeps feeding her thighs with !!! You can take the girl out of the trailer park ....ahh hell you know the rest...I'm still laughing !!!

What is this Blog???

You ever been sitting around cooking for your family and friends and been told the following: "Hoss, this is the best I've ever had in my dadgum have got to open up a place of your own". The thought crosses your mind to do just that, but for whatever reason you dont. Well I'm "that" guy that actually went through with it and did it. I had absolutely ZERO restaurant experience! I decided to start this blog about my own experience hoping that it may be of some use and help to others who might be interested in opening their own place.
I learned this craft almost 20 years ago cooking whole hogs on brick & cinder block pits at a couple of little BBQ Joints in Henderson, TN. I learned from old, lifelong career Pit-Masters, working with them as an apprentice during school off and on for four years. Over the course of that time I learned the old, time-honored craft of REAL pit barbecue. At Martin's Bar-B-Que Joint I am trying as hard as I can everyday to bring that time-honored authenticity to my customers.
As you read you'll see I've made some stupid decisions, and I've made some good decisions. If you are thinking of opening a restaurant, especially a BBQ Joint, read this blog! Maybe some of this info can be of use to you. At the very least you will be entertained because I pull no punches.
Now listen, this is my blog to not only help with information but my blog to freely rant about my day to day experiences. There is no real "bad language" on this blog but there might be some things said that are very "tongue in cheek". If you are easily offended and/or cant see the satire in my posts then please just leave the blog. It will save both of us the annoyance of each other. For those of you who do like satire and are looking for good information about this experience, then by all means enjoy!